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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

HOW COME YOUNG MARRIAGES, CELEBRATED WITH SO MUCH POMP, ARE CRUMBLING SO FAST? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHO IS TO BLAME? HUSBAND? WIFE? FAMILY? OR WHAT?




Is it better to remain single or what please is the problem? Is it a problem of liberation or what is it that after all the lavishness of the weddings, the marriage seem to just disintegrate after only a few years! Is it even worth it to be married? Or should we put it another way, are marriages worth all the stress and effort?

Who is to blame? The wife? The husband? Their families? The society? Expectations? Please who or what is it to be blamed? Why can't these young couples weather the storm and rekindle their loves for each other. Or maybe, it wasn't really love in the first instance. Maybe it was all for convenience from the get go!

So is it not better to just be careful, by not lavishing unnecessarily for a wedding ceremony, that would only be for about 2 days at most. Why not put all effort and everything into a marriage rather than all in the wedding party, just to impress those who don't actually give a damn!

Have our values totally gone to the gutters? Do we think or did we think that 2 people coming from totally different backgrounds would just always have it fun and great and good? Can't we ever understand that relationship, marriage is about compromise? We would most definitely piss each other off throughout our lifetime, but that doesn't mean we can't make up and trudge on and make our friendships, relationships, marriages work!

Even if things have totally gone askance, can't we just be very adult about it and for the sakes of many of those involved, by this we mean our children, just work it out even if not as a couple, but as friends, knowing very well that the future state of mind of those kids are determined by us.

Is it a state of pride? My parents, family are better than yours and then expectations skyrockets and in trying to meet up, stress arises and destroys everything!

There are too many examples to point to, where everything was used to have the most lavish and mouth opening wedding ceremonies, only for those marriages contracted to hit the rocks just a few months after!

There is the need for us to sit down and think very well before we take the next steps that can ruin us and take us through hell. Maybe we don't pray enough? But also if we pray and there's no action from us, then it's a problem too!

Maybe those getting wedded needs to be more involved by telling their parents who wants to impress the world to actually cool off!

What can we do to actually rescue the situation? MBG, GBG, Palesa, Fan, Bubblegum, Love and Charm, Aproko, all anons over to you? 

29 comments:

Blair Witch said...

I believe STRONGLY that it all has to do with your head/luck/destiny/kadara /Ayanmo. It has been written for some men/women that they will never marry but they will force themselves to marry because their friends are getting married, you can never live outside what has been written for you, if you like do jazz to catch your spouse, he/she will end up giving you hell on earth. Ask your Eleda/head before you make any move in life.

Anonymous said...

First conundrum:is we need to change our mindset,how we treat and look at others,we tend to focus more on status and class: We need to jettison classism from our society; parent are doing more damage, than good,compelling and maKing choices for their children, we need to do away with most of out tradition, so blind and primitive. Lastly, we dont tolerate; we are not patient and so egoistisk.

Anonymous said...

it take alot courage and fight to be with our men, they are egoistisk and alwaYs see their wives as slaves instead partners whose sole responsibilities is to raise and providé for their family. Women should claim thier honor, stop depending on the men to provide , be independent, own your thing and earn your respect.

Anonymous said...

Talk about pride to Funke Fowler. Will see how her next relationship will work with her "My father is a rich man" attitude. Being submissive and compromising is a vital thing in any marriage

Anonymous said...

Marriage is like any other social partnership.It requires mutual respect, selfless and altruistic emotions towards each other.When these values are not present in a marriage it becomes a matter of time before it crumbles.Many have met their own soul mate, the one they genuinely love and adore but because daddy/mummy said or they are not in our social class they broke up and instead married for money, influence you can't eat your cake and have it.

Anonymous said...

Marriage is like a glass of water! Don't look into it, just drink or else you must see something and refuse to drink! There's no manual for a good marriage, it takes the Grace of God.

Anonymous said...

You can make your point without throwing up her name.

Bubble gum said...

I agree with the latter part of your writeup.Women should be independent yes! But not all men see their wives as slaves. My husband for one has never ever seen or treated me as a slave. He treats me like a queen I swear. But that doesn't mean we don't have bad days.

Bubble gum said...

I disagree with some people not being destined to marry.These days People marry just marry blindly,they marry for the wrong reasons.(age,Sex is good, societal,peer,family pressure).I agree with checking with God before making that commitment but God will not help you marry your spouse. Both parties need to make it work. They need to put in effort. There will be days when you wake up and your spouse that you love so much just disgusts you and you are like how did I end up here! That is where patience,that unconditional love comes into play. Above all marriage is sweet I swerrugahd!

Bubble gum said...

Gram! Thank you!

maestromedia said...

@love and charm please resend your comment it was regrettably mistakenly deleted. Well appreciated. Sorry also about the inconvenience.

loveandwealthcharms@outlook.com said...

Some are destined to stay unmarried just as some are destined never to bear their own offsprings. Some destined not to marry fair person or dark person.

@blairwitch, I commented initially that some people's eleda doesn't flow with big parties. Dbanj publicly declared his own. As per jazz it'll only work for a while if it's against your destiny and you force it. At the end you get embarrassed. Without mentioning names we can see those that married big for few years only to be embarrassed out of the marriages. Some people sef jazz brings out the worst in them.

Oun gbogbo lowo Ori. Consult your destiny before marrying so you marry right and live happily. We all have our high points in life, it doesn't have to be wedding related.

loveandwealthcharms@outlook.com said...

No problem sir. I've replied Blair Witch as I did.

Anonymous said...

At Maestromedia You are so polite and humble which is so RARE with majority of the Bloggers. Majority of them have forgotten how they started or the fans that made them. Kudos to you brother for still being your humble self without letting the fame get to your head. And on a lighter note, you still have some of your days too most especially with your AWOL. Good luck in your hustle brother

maestromedia said...

Thanks for your understanding @love and charm. Thanks anon for those sweet, well welcomed words of encouragement.

Palesa said...

I don’t know much about marriage so I can’t speak on it, all I know that it’s going to get worse because we are in the last days. People are becoming more self centered and go into marriages for the wrong reasons.

Blair Witch said...

Hmmmm @love and wealth, I respect you a lot here, you raised a very deep point which I deliberately avoided talking about initially, how many people will listen when they tell them to avoid loud weddings? In this country you will be labelled a ‘hater’. I have been married for 17 years and it is wonderful but my twin has never been proposed to, how does one explain this? I believe strongly that one’s head is the one controlling everything.

Blair Witch said...

@anon 1.14 in all the years I have been married, my hubby has NEVER treated me like a slave, we do have disagreements but we try and settle it quickly before our teenage children suspect anything, the greatest error wives of nowadays are making is ‘being in competition’ with their husbands. Sometimes you have to ‘stoop to conquer’

Anonymous said...

Hmmm this marriage thing. The biggest sacrifice is PATIENCE. If you can’t be, don’t bother. Also men that come from homes that their father were good to the mother, the tendency for the boy to be like his father is there vice versa too. If the father was horrible, he would be horrible to his wife. Marriage is not a fairytale. All marriages are not the same. So no set rules. Society also dictates a lot. Their friends teach them bad things. If you are not patient, you would be blown away. Of course their would always be times your boat would be rocked. Patience again. God help you if he has money. Please women stop telling your friends about your married life. Some of them would lie to you that they are enjoying, all lies. Probably envying you that you think you don’t have it together.
Now on the spiritual side, the devil is seriously fighting marriages now. Using jezebels, side chicks, chewing gum, mammywater things to lure these weak men who can’t say no. And to those silly women that say my husband can’t do that, sit there in lala land till you are blown away by the agents of darkness. Prayer is very key! Hold on to God. Start from day one. And if you haven’t, start now. The ones that do juju, it never last. He would beat the living shit out of you. Remember,The temptation outside is just too much. Someone is waiting patiently to replace you. So receive sense . Want to write more, but just got back from work and I want to eat and take a shower. Later.

Anonymous said...

At Snon 2.45Zpm Get off. And who are you to tell me what to do or not? If you are Funke, change your ways and manner. And remember to be more submissive and stop flaunting who your father is or how much he has in your next relationship

Anonymous said...

Anon 1.14 pm Some of our women are not doing what is required of them as a wife too. I'm a woman and been married for years and I find it very sad the way and manner wives behaves once the man put a ring on it too

loveandwealthcharms@outlook.com said...

They don't even label me hater. They say funny stuffs like God forbid bad thing...people will think we're broke...big wedding is my dream wedding. Bla bla bla.

I receive tens of mails on marriage gone wrong due to not listening to earlier warnings.

Twin issues is complicated especially if you're identical and share same placenta...

Fan said...

@Aloba, a lot of your questions were rhetorical questions.

Why is it that people are afraid to say that marriage is over-rated? If you go into a marriage without a lot of expectations, you will do well.

The best things about a marriage are the children that come with it and the dedicated sex :).

There's no rule book. You can do all the best things you think that will keep a man but if the foundation is faulty, it is doomed and it can even take years to unravel. I have 3 very good family stories I can list here but it'll be obvious if I reveal them. All down to faulty foundations.

Marriage is like a school. You learn everyday and you need intelligence in marriage. Peace, tolerance, understanding, communication, forgiveness, managing finances, careers in marriage, love etc are all part of the intelligence we learn in the school called marriage.

Big wedding, small wedding, tiny wedding; they all don't matter. When you read about divorce cases in Igando customary courts, some of those people didn't have big weddings, yet they divorce.

There are many deal breakers though like violence, drugs, diseases and theft.

Fan said...

Ore, what of my reply to Blair Witch?

Anonymous said...

The one thing I hate is when people say 'our parents were married for so many years, why can't we also stay married?' The women who say that annoy me the most.
You as a modern day woman, are you ready to endure the beatings, slavery, adultery, infections,interference from in-laws, drudgery and so on that our mothers and grandmothers endured in their African marriages?

-See ehn, marriage does not need submission, obedience, whatever. Marriage needs COMPROMISE. COMPROMISE, HUMILITY and MATURITY on both sides and not just the woman!

-There are days where as a woman, your husband will make decisions that will make you want to smack him. And there are days where as a man, your wife will do things that will make you want to put a laxative in her food.

-BUT, you as a married person are going to have to look at the bigger picture. What will you get if you confront or fight your husband or wife? You have to ask yourself; in a week's time, will this thing my spouse did or said matter or not? If it won't matter, please OVERLOOK IT! Let peace reign! Save your energies for the bigger battles ahead. If you still feel the need to confront your spouse, please DO NOT do so when you are still angry. Wait till you cool down; so you can do it out of love and with respect.

-Also, young people going into marriage need to know that love is an action. A choice, if you will. Love is based on feelings, yes, but love is so much more than a feeling. When you put the ring on that person's finger, you are making the decision to love the person even when that person is at their most unlovable. This means you choose to think good of your spouse/make their wellbeing a priority even when they are stretching your patience to the ultimate limit! You have to make the choice to support your spouse and care for them even when you don't feel like it. Most young people nowadays marry because they think they're in love, when they're really infatuated/in lust.

-Thirdly-and this goes especially to the women-a spouse can NEVER complete you. You have to complete YOURSELF before you marry.

-Finally, marriage is not for everybody.

Anonymous said...

Yes is true. End time is here

Anonymous said...

Over exposure and social media is part of the problem

Anonymous said...

At Maestromedia With pleasure Darling ❤️ ❤️❤️ Please don't be despair

Anonymous said...

@ Anon7:13pm! Really???? She flaunts her dad? How much he has????? Genuine money or looted????? She should better trend gently' cos if the world remembers them! Hmmmmmm! No chin chin for Cha Cha!