Well sha I just
stumbled on the news that this delectable beauty just turned 33 and would be
celebrating her birthday in England, far away from me. Since she has decided to
carry herself that far, let me quickly let her know my intentions towards her
before one person out there without papers pour sand sand for my garri.
Linda Baby, I
have spoken to you on a few occasions, I am that Investment Banker who has been
trying to get you to partner with one of my clients. Each time I call, you will pick the phone and
in a smooth chocolaty voice turn down my request. I will just smile cos I know
that you really do not understand the opportunity you are missing.
One day as I was
doing some research, I stumbled on the valuation of your blog and I screamed. I
decided to pursue you through other means. Since you no gree business, let me
kuku chase you. If you become my girlfriend, we can build a family business with
me as the Chairman and you as my deputy.
I am offering
you the opportunity to be a Calabar wife. This position comes with so much perks,
that all your friends will die with envy. First after capturing you, I will
send you to Uyo to my mama, so she will teach you the fine art of pounding yam
and cooking Afang. You will need these
skills to build a successful career in my house. This would take you a whole
four weeks, because as I see you so, we would need to build your muscles first
before we start. Ma Calabar will also have to teach you how to pull out
periwinkle from its shell.
When you are
through, you will now come back to Lagos and be introduced to your senior wife,
who will also teach you the wonderful culinary skills of boiling Indomie. Now
this has to be taken seriously, because it’s the only thing I eat after work.
You will also be involved in school runs, so the Nanny can rest a bit. You will
sleep on the floor as I do not expect your senior would allow you share our bed
just yet. You will remove the wigs and revert to Calabar braids, cut your nails
and start using palm oil for your skin.
At 33, you are
at the ripe age to join the family business. All these blog thing will have to
stop, I don’t like the exposure. You will be involved in selling Garri. You
have all it takes to make the business grow. You can talk and you have long
hands that would be useful in dipping inside the bag while measuring the kondo
as you sell.
You will not
call me by name, you will always refer to me as Baba Etekamba and you must
kneel each time you bring food for me to eat. You will never dish my food but
you will be the expert in charge of serving it. You will also work closely with
the driver to ensure that all the cars are in tip top shape. You will be
allocated the only tokunbo car in the garage for your use, when you are going
to the market.
This whole thing
is looking very exciting, kindly send your application letter, stating very
clearly, ‘ ‘Application to marry you Sir’. You can send it through Aloba,
because he would be on the panel that would scrutinize your request and
recommend your engagement or otherwise. Teeheee!!!!
Happy birthday
my darling and God bless you and give you many more fruitful years. The wicked
will not see you and you will continue to be a beacon of hope in our society.
Stay blessed.
8 comments:
Haha
Very dry indeed
This one was dry.
hahahhahahaha Edgar what are you high on? ksempe or cointreau????
I'm sure Linda is having a good laugh wherever she is!
Pounded yam ko Alomo bitters ni
As usual, comedy @ its best!
HYBunny
Aloba, kini pee e these days? O kon dull ni. No juicy gist, we are bored! Tired of obodo Nigeria and you dat supply us our means of relaxation through your blog stories have gone AWOL. Sho ara e o Aloba. Go back to work, biko. Hugs and Kisses
Aloba, kini pee e these days? O kon dull ni. No juicy gist, we are bored! Tired of obodo Nigeria and you dat supply us our means of relaxation through your blog stories have gone AWOL. Sho ara e o Aloba. Go back to work, biko. Hugs and Kisses
Hahahahah edgar ur such a clown
Very fuuny guy! LOL
Very funny, Linda be a Calabar wife so you can be my "wife".
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